I know people hate when other people say something like this.. but
for being a week into this.. I’m starting to fall. Hard.
Now, I’m not blind. I know it’s semi-not healthy, but there is a feeling that is letting me know that it is okay to fall like this. Not only falling, but also telling me that it is okay to fully be who I actually am. Lately, I haven’t been me. I’ve been trying to act like the person others want me to be. The actress who is going to be on broadway. When in all actuality, that’s not me at all. I feel like that part of me is gone. That I’m thrusting myself into my music and my writing. That I will find my future in that, and not doing something because other people think I should. For example, my voice teacher came up to me after a concert, in which I had a gospel solo, and said, “Jessie my dear, you belong on stage. You belong in the white lights of broadway.” (and yes he actually said the last part.) And you know, if you would’ve said that to me about 4 months ago, I would’ve been dreaming non-stop about it. But ever since I went to NYC, I lost that dream. I saw “Mary Poppins” and suddenly realised that maybe I’m not cut out for that. Also, our clinic with Maestro Constantine Kitsopolous also made a realization. He said, “If you can see yourself doing other things, do those other things.. but if you can’t, then you know that you are meant to do this.” He was talking about how the business is so hard to get into. He said that if you can get over the fact that the music business is going to try to beat you down, then you belong. If you can accept that, then you truly belong.
I guess I belong.

-J