Long time, no blog.

Here I am. Grown up. At college. And I feel very comfortable.

Everything is going so well. My classes are great and the people I have met here are great. Except for the one douchebag I met, people treat everyone nicely. I have a great group of friends that keep me sane. My two roommates are amazing. They’re involved in theatre, dance, and music, which is a godsend. And of course, John is here with me. But I also met some others… Like Maggi, Kelso, Jon, Jacob, Brian, Ben.. and many others.

I feel like I’m finally taking the final steps into adulthood. My literary classics professor said, “In order to become a university student, you have to learn to let go of the high school student within you.” That makes complete sense, and I feel like I am letting that go.

-J

Lately, music has been taking over my life. My album is days to being finished (and I’m so happy about that) and I’m getting ready to release it. I think this has chosen me. My novel is taking a back seat… for now. I’m sure when I’m in the haul for school, it’ll be back in, but as of now, I’m letting it take a break. I’m still writing though. My lyrics have been getting more and more sophisticated throughout my album. I find that the inspiration decides whether or not I sound older in the lyrics. I think that’s a biggie for any writer or musician for that matter.

I don’t know how my writing is going to change, but all I know is that I like what I’m doing.

-J

So, it is 8:09 am. I’m drinking my morning coffee and my TV just went out. The cable. For just my room. Great.

Not that TV is highly important to me.. but that’s how I get to sleep at night. That’s going to have to change. In college, I’ll be living with a different person.. and we’re going to have to turn everything off before sleeping. But what about other than that? Ugh. I should stop whining…

…and try to go and fix it.

-J

Have you ever wanted to go back to that one person? The one person that knows you best. The person that, although no one likes, you always see the good in him. You always see the joy and happiness, and you never get sick of him. He’s a year younger than me and everyone said that it was a mistake, but I was talking to Robert the other day and he ended up talking to me and he said, “Do you see the way he looks at you? He loves you.” And I get that, but there’s a part of me that wants to go back and a part of me that wants to say, “No. I’m in college now. I can’t be a part of something like this.”

Lately, I have no idea what I think anymore.

-J

So, at 2:40 pm this afternoon, I bought a new laptop. I’m completely stoked. It’s a HP Pavilion Entertainment Notebook. It’s amazing!! …and so pretty too!

Lately, I’ve been focusing more on my music, but writing has become an easier task as well. A few of the songs for the new album were originally poems, which says something about my writing.
Well, I’m just here for a check up!
YAY for new computers!!!
-J

Horray for holidays!
Today is devoted for kicking back and spending time with friends. My parents are going to a picnic at my Uncle Denny’s house, and they’ve allowed me to stay home, if I wish. Which.. to sadly state, I’m excited about it. Not that I don’t like those relatives, but whenever I discuss something, someone gets upset about it and a debate comes out of it. Whatever.

Other than that, I’ve written this new introduction. I was in class when I wrote it and I believe that I can write off of it. That’s my plan.
Well.. not a long entry here.
-J

So.. it is friday.
Thank the lord.
I have the rest of today and then 3 days after. We have a long weekend for Memorial Day.
Again.. thank the lord.

AJ’s crying next to me because I didn’t read his final line. He’s a wimp. And yes, I’m publishing that out into the internets. But I love him and he knows that. Even if he does have a milkbone in his pocket (which is weird if you ask me).
Ok.. well, I’m official bored and am in the library suffering. Feel bad for me. No, I’m kidding.
Well.. what a waste of a blog entry.
-J

I know people hate when other people say something like this.. but
for being a week into this.. I’m starting to fall. Hard.
Now, I’m not blind. I know it’s semi-not healthy, but there is a feeling that is letting me know that it is okay to fall like this. Not only falling, but also telling me that it is okay to fully be who I actually am. Lately, I haven’t been me. I’ve been trying to act like the person others want me to be. The actress who is going to be on broadway. When in all actuality, that’s not me at all. I feel like that part of me is gone. That I’m thrusting myself into my music and my writing. That I will find my future in that, and not doing something because other people think I should. For example, my voice teacher came up to me after a concert, in which I had a gospel solo, and said, “Jessie my dear, you belong on stage. You belong in the white lights of broadway.” (and yes he actually said the last part.) And you know, if you would’ve said that to me about 4 months ago, I would’ve been dreaming non-stop about it. But ever since I went to NYC, I lost that dream. I saw “Mary Poppins” and suddenly realised that maybe I’m not cut out for that. Also, our clinic with Maestro Constantine Kitsopolous also made a realization. He said, “If you can see yourself doing other things, do those other things.. but if you can’t, then you know that you are meant to do this.” He was talking about how the business is so hard to get into. He said that if you can get over the fact that the music business is going to try to beat you down, then you belong. If you can accept that, then you truly belong.
I guess I belong.

-J

(We’re using the school laptops in class.. so I’m blogging from there.)

Mrs. Pierson said something yesterday that really struck me. She said that if you want to achieve a goal, write it down so that you’ll know that you have the guts to admit that you are going to achieve that goal. She is very right. For someone who loves lists, I write my major goals so often. I have a notebook full of them. Most of them are music oriented. To get a degree in music. To make my life performing my music. To win a Grammy. You know, major dreams. There is a part of me right now that is thinking that that could happen to me. It won’t be a dream; it’ll be a reality. I insist on it.
This weekend, I’m going to go on another songwriting day. My guitar and my favorite two people. We’ve written a song together before and it actually was very good. I just need some more for the shows I’m playing in the summer.
-J

I love running.
I’m serious.
I just went for a run and it felt invigorating. Not lying.
I should do that more often.

This weekend was basically one of the best weekends I’ve ever had. Probably my #2 (after visiting NYC). It was basically spending time with Rob, AJ, Denise, Evan, & Adam, playing music that none of us are going to take seriously, and gorgeous weather. I’m very excited. It’s one of those “I’m becoming who I’m supposed to be” type weekends.
And for that, I’m very glad.

-J